WHY MEN PREFER DONUTS

Last issue, a certain person by the name of Jessica Lovecraft put forward a position stating that cucumbers are superior to males of the human persuasion as both lovers and intimate friends. This is obviously true of men in commerce. However, we men of engineering and computer science are grievously insulted. Our manhood is wounded. This has given this particular man the opportunity to reflect upon the merit of women. This is the result of my intense soul searching.

  1. You need not constantly reassure a donut that it is not fat
  2. Donuts never try to change you.
  3. Donuts are never too busy studying.
  4. Donuts are never too tired.
  5. Donuts never have headaches.
  6. A donut won't slap you with a million dollar paternity suit when you become rich and famous.
  7. Donuts never have that time of the month.
  8. Donuts don't bug you about not shaving or not getting a haircut.
  9. Donuts don't mind if you tell a lot of dirty jokes.
  10. Donuts taste good.
  11. You are sure that you will be the donuts first, last and only lover.
  12. The word 'marriage' is not part of a donut's vocabulary.
  13. Donuts don't mind giving head.
  14. You can dunk the donut in the wet spot.
  15. Once you finish with the donut, you can eat it.
  16. You never have to worry about the donut wanting to do it once more than you are able. After one go, it's all crumbled.
  17. You do not have to constantly have to tell the donut how well it is dressed, or how good it looks. It does not care if you think it is sexy.
  18. Donuts don't care if you put your finger in their hole on the first date.
  19. With a donut, you can get right down to business.
  20. Who cares if it wasn't as good for the donut as it was for you.
  21. Donuts don't care if you're a little premature.
  22. Donuts are cheaper by the dozen. Day-old donuts are always on sale.
  23. ONE DISADVANTAGE: donuts go all to pieces if you get a little too enthusiastic.
  24. You can take donuts to X-rated movies.
  25. Donuts never want you to take them to Mel Gibson or Richard Gere movies.
  26. Donuts will be there tomorrow if you can't get it up today.
  27. A donut will like you even if you're a commerce student.
  28. There are no legal complications involved with underage donuts.
  29. Donuts are easy to convince that the time is ripe.
  30. ANOTHER DISADVANTAGE: The cream-filled ones are a little messy.
  31. Donuts will never embarrass or insult you in front of your friends.
  32. Donuts won't tell all your friends what a schnook you are.
  33. Donuts won't tell all their friends what a schnook you are.
  34. Donuts don't want to have a career of their own.
  35. Donuts don't bite back.
  36. They're worth the trip.
  37. Donuts never want to stay a virgin until they're married.
  38. A donut will never leave you for a better looking, older guy with a car and lots of money.
  39. You don't have to notice when a donut gets its hair done.
  40. Eating a cream-filled donut is an experience.
  41. Donuts don't wear curlers and cold cream to bed.
  42. An aggressive donut is not a threat to your masculinity.
  43. A donut won't mind if you want to see a bagel or two on the side.
  44. You don't have to worry about the donut seeing anyone else on the side
  45. Donuts don't bug about not taking them anywhere.
  46. Donuts never bug you about never giving them little gifts all the time.
  47. The damn donut will not get suspicious when you finally buy it a little gift.
  48. A donut will never leave a party with your best friend.
  49. Donuts don't care if you always get drunk at parties.
  50. YET ANOTHER DISADVANTAGE: donuts don't do housework.
  51. You always know what to expect from a donut; the donut knows what to expect from you.
  52. Donuts don't live in a Harlequin Romance world.
  53. Donuts don't want a 'Meaningful Relationship'.
  54. You don't have to impress a donut with your charm, wit and intelligence. Or bank account.
  55. All a donut is good for IS sex.

- B. J. Lovecraft