Why Women Prefer Cucumbers to Men. ---------------------------------- - cucumbers don't ever cheat. - the woman is sure that she is the cucumbers first partner. - the lubrification is always good. - cucumbers don't fall asleep after the first go. - cucumbers don't leave a wet spot - cucumbers can do it as many times as a woman wants successively - cucumbers are always ready - cucumbers are expendible - the woman does not need to use birth control - the woman need not get emotionally involved - cucumbers do not argue - cucumbers don't ever have problems getting it up - cucumbers are good to eat and always taste good - cucumbers do not complain if the woman bites - cucumbers don't harrass their parter to give them head - cucumbers do not care if the woman bleeds - the woman can get in any position she chooses with her cucumber - the woman can change cucumbers as often as she wants - cucumbers aren't fussy - cucumbers aren't desperate - cucumbers don't ever get jealous - cucumbers don't need to be fed - cucumbers don't care if the woman makes lousy breakfast - cucumbers don't insult woman ( or any one else for that matter ) - cucumbers don't care if the woman is not a virgin - cucumbers don't insist in doing it when the woman doesn't want to do it - cucumbers come in varying sizes and shapes - the woman can have as many cucumbers as she wants in one night - cucumbers don't talk back - cucumbers will not leave the woman for another woman - cucumbers will not compare the woman with other woman - the woman need not turn the cucumber on - cucumbers cannot give V.D. or Herpes to the woman - cucumbers cannot hurt a woman - cucumbers will not push a woman around - cucumbers don't have a cigarette after sex - cucumbers don't eat in bed - two cucumbers will not fight over for a woman - cucumbers don't have fetishes - cucumbers don't have hang-ups - cucumbers aren't into S and M - cucumbers do not have smelly feet ( don't generally smell at all if fresh ) - cucumbers do not have to be reminded how good they are - cucumbers don't take much place in bed - cucumbers never drink alcohol ( or anything else for that matter ) - cucumbers don't snore - cucumbers can't hear the woman snore - cucumbers never have bad breath - cucumbers won't feel obliged to ask her in marriage once he's slept with her - the woman never has to see the cucumber again if she was not satisfied - she need not reassure the cucumber constantly that his performance is good - she need not worry about hurting the cucumber's ego ( what ego? ) - she need not care about reassuring the cucumber about his masculinity - cucumbers never have premature ejaculations - cucumbers never rape anybody - cucumber don't care about the womans looks - a cucumber will most certainly never run off with her best friend - cucumbers are readily available at all times, whether the woman is single married, young or old, lives with or without parents, is with or without children....... - she need never worry that he may wake up one day and confess he's always been gay - cucumbers don't care for any form of pornography - cucumbers don't talk in their sleep - cucumbers will never be bothered if she talks in her sleep - cucumbers will never spill out all the secrets she's been telling him - she can thow the cucumber across the room and replace him if she was disatisfied with his performance - cucumbers can take sex or leave it. They don't really care either way - cucumbers never bite - cucumbers won't go all out to ruin the womans reputation when she dumps him - the woman never has to fight for the bed sheets with the cucumber - cucumbers are never too stoned that they can't get it up - cucumbers never take any dope that will make them - cucumbers don't care whats on T.V. whether its the Grey cup, Stanley cup or any other cup - the woman need never hide her cucumber in the closet if her husband or if her parents arrive unexpectedly - the woman can always have her cucumber if her male parter has not satisfied her - the woman can have her cucumber then eat it too - cucumbers will never bother a woman about her past - cucumbers will never use what a woman tells him against her - cucumbers never ramble on about politics - cucumbers never get depressed - who's ever heard of an alcoholic cucumber.... - cucumbers never have pimples - cucumbers are inexpensive Jessica Lovecraft (c) 1982 inspired by Army men! jessicalovecraft@hotmail.com